Any man who gives himself to his wife and thinks that he has done his job has over-estimated himself. He doesn’t have everything a woman needs within himself. Such a man is also making a rod for his own back as he will soon discover that she needs far more than what he has to offer.
A woman in marriage needs – just as the church she is called to reflect needs – redemption. Which is why, in marriage, like Jesus, a husband is called to be redemptive.
Paul says in Ephesians that Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her in order to,
…sanctify her, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to Himself as a glorious church, without stain or wrinkle… (Ephesians 5:26-27)
This act of Christ, giving himself up to God for the sake of His bride is what redeems her. It restores to the bride her dignity and her glory and is evidence of her worth.
Marriage is Redemptive
What Christ did for the church in redeeming her, you are to re-enact in Marriage.
What does it mean to live redemptively toward your spouse?
It means that you are going to demonstrate her worth by maintaining her dignity and her honour.
This is not only an honour to her, but it is also an honour for you. And what an honour it is!
You’re going to uphold her dignity in the public square. You will not ridicule her or expose her faults to others. Instead, You’re going to cover her and present her to the world daily without spot or wrinkle.
And if she stumbles, you are going speak graciously and gently to her, just as Christ spoke to you.
Why? Because that’s what love does.
Love covers a multitude of sins. (1 Peter 4:8)
Any man who exposes his wife to public shame and ridicule is a disgrace.
To live with your wife in a way that reflects Christ’s redemption means that you are not going to ignore her weak spots. Instead, you are going to respond to them with grace so that she remains free to walk the neighbourhood with dignity.
You’re not going to play dumb to her faults, but you will respond to her weakness by coming before God on her behalf every day, asking that He sanctify her, guard her and watch over her life.
Isn’t this what Christ does daily for His bride? Therefore, you do it for yours.
Your marriage is to be characterised by this redemptive behaviour. Think upon what this means.
In giving yourself up to God for your wife, you are asking Him to sustain her, keep her and continually transform her. You are also agreeing to remove all debts owing.
And so, you will keep no record of wrongs. The scales will not be used on each other, only grace.
And on days when grace is lacking – and those days will come – you are both going to run to go to God for more of it.
Marriage Preparation PDF
Marriage exists because Christ died for the world. He came to kill the dragon and get the girl. Which He did.
Download the full 8-part Marriage Preparation PDF for free!
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Benjamin says
Thanks for the enlightenment, you said the man should love his wife as Jesus Christ loves the church. My question is: How about the woman to her husband?
David Trounce says
Hi Benjamin. Thanks for the question.Ephesians 5:22-24, which occurs just before the passage on husbands you are referring to provide a good answer. Wives are to submit to their husbands, “as to the Lord”, just as the church submits to the headship of Christ.
This phrase, “as to the Lord” is very important. A wife is to honour and submit to her husband in those areas where the Lord has commanded her to. Obedience to Christ is the standard. Where Christ has called her to be faithful, she is to be faithful. Where Christ has called her to listen, she must listen. The husband is also subject to the head, which is Christ, and may not ask her to submit to things that Christ has forbidden her to do.
This does not rule out negotiation, but it does rule out defiance and staunch independence.
Love for Jesus is characterised by humble obedience (John 14:15) and so, the genuineness of her love for Christ will be displayed in her joyful and humble obedience to her husband.