People Pleasing

When it came to eating food offered to idols in a way that pricked the conscience of a new believer, the Apostle Paul said that he would seek to please that believer and give up eating meat (1 Corinthians 10:33). He also said that he wasn’t the least bit interested in pleasing men who insisted that new believers be circumcised (Galatians 1:10).

Paul was keen to accommodate a tender faith for the sake of the brother for whom Christ died. In this instance, people-pleasing was sacrificial. It cost Paul something. If pleasing others meant promoting and strengthening saving faith, he would gladly do it.

On the other hand, he was quite willing to scrap pleasing other people if it meant mixing, diluting or suppressing the truth of the gospel. Even if it cost him a seat among the cool kids.

The motive for Paul was love. Love for others and love for a pure gospel.

Paul was keen to see a young believer eat with a clean conscience and a happy heart because this promoted true faith. And he taught salvation by grace through faith, not works, because this was pleasing to God.

This refusal to please one group, where that group was not on board with the truth, and his willingness to please others at his own cost – for someone who needed a little encouragement – got him into plenty of trouble.

But Paul wasn’t the first man to navigate the sticky issue of people-pleasing.

To what shall I compare this generation? said, Jesus.

It is like children sitting in the marketplaces and calling out, ‘We played the flute for you, and you did not dance; we sang a dirge, and you did not mourn.’

For John came neither eating nor drinking, and they say, ‘He has a demon.’ The Son of Man came eating and drinking, and they say, ‘Look at him! A glutton and a drunkard, a friend of tax collectors and sinners!’

Yet wisdom is justified by her children. (Matthew 11:16-19)

Here, Jesus teaches us the vanity of trying to be people-pleasers.

If we come with good news, you don’t rejoice. if we come with bad news, you don’t repent. If I eat, you see gluttony. If I drink, you see a drunkard. If I abstain from either, you see demons.

This is often the way it is for believers. It is this way because the world hates what we have. They hate our liberty and our love for what is true.

Caring what others think about us is normal. The desire to belong is basic to human nature. The problem comes when we set aside what is true, for the sake of pleasing others – or fear of displeasing them.

At that point, there is no sacrificial love involved. At that point, it becomes all about self-preservation.

But what does it profit a man if he gains the applause of the whole world, yet loses his soul? What does it profit a man if he loses everything that makes him authentic? What gain is there if we surrender what is true in order to be liked, applauded, and approved of by fickle man?

It’s the truth that sets us free. Sure, this kind of freedom is risky. But that’s what makes it so energising and so life-giving. We are called to love what is true and speak what is right in the sight of God.

And when the world persecutes us for not falling into line with all the people-pleasers, we are not to shrink back or apologise. We are to go around the corner and do a little jig (Matthew 5:12).