Taking His Name in Marriage

A wedding ceremony is a big deal, and signals one of the most significant set of changes a person will ever make in life. At a wedding, lives are laid upon the altar, households are thrown into chaos—out of which new households are born—and life-long vows are exchanged and witnessed by the public.

One of the more curious and increasingly misunderstood aspects of a marriage ceremony is the significance of changing or exchanging names.

There may be squabbles over what the vows should be, but most of us agree that vows should be made. There may be cultural differences over what constitutes an appropriate gift, but most of us agree that exchanging gifts is part of the event. But what’s with all this name-changing business and does it really even matter?

The answer is yes. It matters. It matters a lot, and it should matter to all thoughtful Christians.

Most of what follows is addressed to those women who are wrestling with the idea of taking on their husband’s name, but the principles involved apply to all future husbands.

Would I marry a girl I loved who refused to take my name? No. And here’s why.

The Failure of Feminism

There’s a reason why marriages where the woman takes her husband’s name last 60% longer than those who decide to keep their maiden name. The independent spirit that so often accompanies such a decision is simply not compatible with the co-operation needed for a happy marriage.

To begin with, much of what drives the question of name-changing for women is grounded in a secular and non-christian view of women, and the pressure placed on them to attain an independent feminist identity. “Down with the patriarchy!”

This is, of course, confused nonsense. The woman who insists on keeping her own name is typically not keeping her own name at all. She is keeping her father’s name. The name of another man. The name of the current family patriarch.

It’s also maintained by some people that the change in name represents a change in possession. In other words, the man is increasing his possessions by taking a wife.

But a few minutes of clear-headed thinking will demonstrate that the man who takes a wife is not increasing his possessions. He is in fact increasing his responsibilities, both for her, and any children that may come along.

Thus far feminism. In a radical attempt to separate itself from men, feminism has simply alienated itself from society, not to mention reality. This is because society is made up of families.

Born into Families

Being, as we are, born into this world by a man and a woman, we are born into families. These may be healthy or dysfunctional, but they are families nonetheless. These household bonds come with certain allegiances, inheritances—and names.

By its very nature, a wedding ceremony signals a dramatic change in all these areas of life. It is this way because both creation and the gospel are this way.

This is the book of the generations of Adam. When God created man, he made him in the likeness of God. Male and female he created them, and he blessed them and named them [Adam] Man. (Genesis 5:1-2)

The naming of the first human family as the family of Adam (meaning, ‘Man’), is not incidental or insignificant. Attached to that name was an inheritance.

All who come from the family of Adam, which is to say, all of us, are the beneficiaries of Adam’s inheritance. If he were faithful it would mean inheriting life and possessing the Earth and all its wealth. Adam sinned. As his family, we are still the beneficiaries, only now we are the beneficiaries of thorns and thistles and death.

New Name, New Inheritance

In marriage, a woman is forming a new household with her husband. Throughout history, and throughout scripture, this has also usually meant a change in her inheritance.

When Eve was wed to Adam both she and her children stood to inherit all that Adam would inherit. Likewise, Sarah with Abraham, Rebekah with Isaac (cf. Genesis 22:17; 24:60) and Rachel with Jacob.

This change in covenant relationships also meant a change in name. Simon the fisherman became Cephas (Peter, The Rock) as he began to follow Jesus. Saul, who became the Apostle Paul at his conversion, is also a straightforward example of the change of name that comes with a change in family and subsequent inheritance.

All of which points to the entire reason for marriage in the first place. The gospel.

Marriage exists so that we would understand what Jesus was accomplishing by taking a people for Himself.

Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. (Ephesians 5:31-32)

In His death and resurrection, Christ was uniting Himself to a bride. A people who would now share in His inheritance (Deuteronomy 4:20, Ephesians 1:11). A people who would, through the death of the old self, abandon the inheritance of thorns and thistles in order to gain the inheritance of eternal life.

Every Christian girl or woman who is contemplating marriage should ponder this. At the altar, you are not only being joined to a man, you are being joined to a future. You are leaving the household of one man, typically your father, in order to be joined to a new household.

In the gospel, this New Covenant family also receives a new name.

To the one who conquers I will give some of the hidden manna, and I will give him a white stone, with a new name… (Revelation 2:17)

They became known as Christian and that new relationship, along with a new name, was marked by the symbol of baptism. A wedding ring of sorts, made from H₂0.

As in the gospel, and so in marriage, the altar is there so that one thing may die and another thing be resurrected to new life.

It’s this that should govern both our understanding and our conduct at the altar of marriage and not the latest cultural frenzy that exists only to rebel against the created order that God has given us.

Taking on your future husbands name may seem secondary— merely symbolic—but the symbols matter. If they didn’t matter, the subject of names wouldn’t be an issue. But names do matter. They matter to God (Matthew 1:21), and they should matter to us as a way of reflecting the life that Jesus purchased for His bride with His own blood.