Imperfect Fathers

A father with flaws is a pain in the bum, but a perfect father would be unbearable.

Now there’s a sentiment that needs explaining.

Kids get to a certain age and then start to comment, without any encouragement, on their father’s faults. At least, that’s how it is in my house. My kids are quick to point out when I’ve made a mistake, when I’ve been less than respectful, and when, as they put it, I need to “lift my game.”

I have no doubt that there’s a certain level of disappointment for them when they discover one of my weaknesses.

But the alternative, a faultless father, would be unbearable and impossible to live with. Just ask anyone living with a perfectionist.

Imagine being in a room where the only person who was ever wrong was you, and that there was nothing you could do to perfect yourself and no one could help you reach the dizzy heights of the perfect people around you. Every misspoken word, every imperfect deed done in weakness, would be yours and yours alone.

Not only that, but every perfect word and every perfect deed done by those close to you would be just another reminder of how weak and imperfect you were.

I’m not here talking about sin but our general state of weakness and imperfection. That said, the same holds true for the one who is sinless. It’s unbearable.

Ask Peter

But when Simon Peter saw it, he fell down at Jesus’ knees, saying, “Depart from me, for I am a sinful man, O Lord.” (Luke 5:8)

Isaiah 9:6 refers to Jesus as our Everlasting Father. This was not a description of His status in the Trinity but of His character and nature toward us. Jesus, in the flesh, represents for us the perfect sinless father.

If we are ever going to be born again, if we are born again, then this fact must bring us, like Peter, to our knees in fear and trembling.

But herein lies the difference that our perfect Heavenly Father makes. In Jesus, we can be born again. In Jesus, our sins, as well as our weaknesses and our faults, can be washed away with the promise of forgiveness, mercy and everlasting life.

Our imperfect earthly fathers are the means by which God not only redirects our hearts to Him but also produces in us the fruits of the Spirit: Patience and forbearance chief among them.

As earthly fathers, this means that we should not panic when our kids discover that we are weak. Nor should we be too proud to admit it.

Instead, our weakness should be seen as an opportunity for Jesus Christ to shine more brightly.

John Piper once said, “We love the myth of the superhero because we want to be one. So we want our successes to be known and our failures hidden.”

But this is not the way of the gospel.

The Apostle Paul saw himself as the foremost of sinners (1 Timothy 1:15). Apart from God’s grace, Paul knew that all of his achievements were “rubbish” (Philippians 3:8-9). He knew the failure of self-righteousness (Philippians 3:6-9). He knew who had brought him to faith (Acts 9:5), called him to be an apostle (Romans 1:1), sent him to make Gentile disciples (Romans 1:5), and called him to suffer for his sake (Acts 9:16).

Paul also knew that he had worked harder than just about everybody else (1 Corinthians 15:10).

But he also needed to know this,

My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. (2 Corinthians 12:9)

Fathers who deny their own frailty are keeping their children from understanding their own frailty. They’re also robbing their children of the opportunity to lean on the grace of God as the magnifying means of enduring their own weakness.

There are times when our weakness most definitely should produce in us a sense of shame. But a quick glance at the heroes of the faith we meet in scripture tells us that they all dealt with weakness. This ought not automatically be a cause of shame, but a reason for honest humility (James 4:6), both in ourselves and our children, as we learn to lean more heavily on the sufficiency of God’s grace.

One of the ways we can manifest that grace in our own lives is by loving deeply and bearing with our imperfect fathers (Luke 6:31).